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August 27, 2026How Much is Too Much? Scheduling for Neurodiverse Kids
By Carol S. Siege, PCC
Founder, Family Pathways Coaching, LLC
It’s August, and my friends with elementary-age kids are deep into planning after-school activities. These friends are part of a generation former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy was hoping to reach in his “Advisory on the Mental Health & Well Being of Parents.” In his 2024 report for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Murthy warned that parental stress is increasing, partly as a result of parents’ perceptions that in order for kids to succeed they need to have hobbies and participate in enrichment programs … all the time. And of course it’s mom and dad’s responsibility to get them there, cheer them on, and keep them going.
If these conditions are increasing the stress of the general parental population, what is happening to parents of neurodiverse kids?
Parents of kids who struggle with anxiety, ADHD, learning differences, autism, or other neurodiverse traits are worrying about under-scheduling their kids in an over-scheduled world. They want to see their kids thrive, and yet they also know their children have limits.
Read on to learn how parents of neurodiverse children can find the right activity level for their particular child.
Recovery Time
A conversation I often had with friends when my children were young centered around balancing homework demands with extracurricular activities and then factoring in whether our kids were capable of everything scheduled. As clinical psychologist and author Dr. Ross Greene notes, “Kids do well if they can.” That is, they succeed if they are in a position to do so. Kids who must compensate for executive function challenges, learning differences, or social /emotional struggles often return home from school depleted. They need time to rest and recover before meeting other demands. Parents can help their children by understanding what “recovery” looks like for their own children and then making sure they have what they need to move forward in their day.
Downtime Vs. Unstructured Time
“Downtime” gives our children time to re-regulate after burning more fuel just to keep up with the world around them. “Unstructured time,” on the other hand, is when our kids have free time without a plan to help them cope with an exhausting outside world.
Constructive downtime can come in many different forms, depending on what gives our children energy and positive feedback. One of my sons immediately set off to complete his homework when he got off the school bus because intellectual pursuit in a quiet environment calmed him. If he had a difficult day, he would lay on the kitchen floor with our dog for comfort. Instead of getting right to homework, another son spent hours at after-school clubs doing the things he loved most. Some children will
recuperate on their screens, allowing their minds to move away from obsessive thoughts for a time and giving them space to regulate their emotions. Other children may use screens as a way to avoid their feelings, which may feel good temporarily but not offer lasting benefits.
Choosing Appropriate Activities
For parents and children, it’s all about finding the right after-school activities. Consider what makes your child feel happy and relaxed, as well as what causes stress during the school day. If your child is an extrovert with learning differences that lead to extra cognitive strain, after-school sports programs may help your child recover. For an introverted child who may have sensory issues, they may prefer quiet reading time or a nature-inspired art class. Over the years, my boys have found success on the stage, on the tennis court, and in chess competitions. Molding clay helps many kids self-regulate, as does building with Legos, walking in nature, listening to music, and cooking. It’s not about fitting our kids into programs everyone else is doing but rather paying attention to their particular needs. Consider what reduces stress and what is instead adding demands and causing overwhelm.
Setting Up Our Children for Success
In 2020, Dr. Dora Raymaker published the peer-reviewed study that now defines autistic burnout as “resulting from chronic life stress and a mismatch of expectations and abilities without adequate supports.” Kids who have neurodiverse traits are dealing with many more challenges throughout the day than most typical kids. All of that extra work can be exhausting, and they need a release valve to deal with the extra stress that arises. Hobbies and extra-curricular activities can serve as a great recovery system, or they can add more stress, so choose wisely based on your own child’s needs.
If you or someone you know is struggling with over-scheduling reach out! As a Certified Professional Coach with additional training in ADHD parent coaching, I help parents see life really can be so much better.
