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Twice-Exceptional: An Interview with Heather Goldman, PhD.
By Carol S. Siege, PCC
Founder, Family Pathways Coaching, LLC
There is some confusion in the neurodiverse community about the 2e (twice-exceptional) designation. I have heard it incorrectly used to describe co-occurring conditions, and I have seen those who are 2e misunderstood as either geniuses who shouldn’t need any support or learning disabled so unable to handle the rigors of gifted classes.
According to the 2e Center for Research and Professional Development, “Twice-exceptional learners are students who are identified as gifted and also have a disability such as a learning disability, ADHD, or autism spectrum disorder.”
Twice-exceptional, or 2e, is an “umbrella term, not a diagnosis,” according to licensed clinical psychologist Heather Goldman, whose private practice has evolved over the past 23 years to support these “incredible, but tricky” learners. 2e students tend to develop skills very early, which can mask weaknesses, she said, and they are often misunderstood, which can lead to behavioral problems and angry outbursts. Anxiety, Dr. Goldman explains, is a “common denominator” among these students.
As early learners, these students tend to hear from everyone, “You’re so smart.” This seemingly supportive feedback can backfire, though, by creating unrealistic expectations and a fear of failure. As a result, 2e students may avoid anything they believe they can’t master immediately. They may develop anxiety related to perfectionism and struggle with self-esteem issues when their lived experience doesn’t measure up to the image that has been set in their mind. This asynchronous skills development -- when a student learns quickly in one area but lags significantly in another -- can be confusing for both the child and the adults in their life.
In my own family, one of my sons struggled to explain to his teachers how he could look at a math problem – virtually any math problem – and see the correct answer but struggle to show the equations on paper. He was able to read the language of math fluently, but his learning disability made it difficult for him to memorize multiplication tables. As a result, he had to overcome the challenge of making simple arithmetic mistakes even as he could understand the larger, more complex solutions.
Part of Dr. Goldman’s work with these students is to normalize the idea that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. She helps her clients identify and appreciate their gifts while accepting where they struggle and then guides them toward mastering self-advocacy.
One way she reaches these students is through her Dungeons & Dragons social skills groups. It’s the hook many of these kids need to participate in group therapy with like-minded peers and to work on skills development and personal reflection.
Many of Dr. Goldman’s students are left out at school or are teased. In the D&D groups, though, they find friends who have already been vetted by Dr. Goldman to pair well. The three-month and six-month sessions allow time for the kids to form connections, have fun creating their D&D characters, and work on individual as well as group goals. The games allow for social interaction, require flexibility, and build executive function and other learning skills.
If you are a parent concerned about your child’s development, Dr. Goldman recommends you “trust your gut.” As the parent, she says, you “are the true expert on your child.” 2e kids are not easily recognized because their profiles can be missed. If the child is a people pleaser or gifted in particular areas, teachers may not see where they have deficits.
If your child is considered 2e, use your child’s strengths to support their weaknesses. Nurture your child’s interests and hobbies and use them as a way to both increase self-esteem and also work on more challenging areas. Whatever interests your child, Dr. Goldman advises, spend time doing that activity with them. Find extracurricular activities and opportunities where your child can show others what they know. And then find ways to use these interests as a gateway to the more challenging areas.
Understand that skills development is a long process and requires patience, Dr. Goldman says. Parents should take a long-term view and have realistic expectations. Take time to understand who your child is and accept them as they are – a nuanced person who excels and who also needs assistance. Dr. Goldman’s one caution: be selective about what you read, take advice from experts in the field, and get referrals from trusted sources, such as pediatricians, school or known psychologists.
As a Certified Professional Coach with an expertise in ADHD parent coaching, in addition to my own 30 years navigating the world of neurodiversity, I can be your trusted referral. Reach out if you or someone you know is struggling with a twice-exceptional child. Let me help you see life really can be so much better.
