Guiding Without Grabbing: How to Support Without Taking Over
October 28, 2025
From Stigma to Strength
By Carol S. Siege, PCC
Founder, Family Pathways Coaching, LLC
When one of my sons was a preteen, we met with the director of a weekend program to see if he would match with the group. This meeting took place around the same time the world was debating whether vaccines caused autism, and my son surprised me by raising the topic. He told the program director he was offended by the conjecture that vaccines induce autism for two reasons. First, as a scientist, he was bothered that people confused causation and correlation. Second, as an autistic person, he was hurt that some parents would choose to risk their children contracting a potentially deadly disease like measles over ending up like him.
Fifteen years later, my son is on track to receive a graduate degree, has a job, and is committed to his girlfriend. And while he is still annoyed by arguments that ignore science, he has risen above worrying about the stigma of being a neurodivergent person in a neurotypical world. He would rather spend his time being his best self and sharing his life with people who appreciate him just as he is.
Not everyone is able to overcome the challenges stigma puts in their path. Kids who experience the world differently, whether because they are autistic or anxious, have learning differences or ADHD, often struggle to conform or end up alone. And parents of neurodivergent children frequently watch sadly from the sidelines as their children aren’t given a chance to show their gifts because presumptions are made before they even begin to get involved in play, academics, or relationships.
Thankfully, we are living in a time when the world is beginning to recognize that “neurodiversity” doesn’t have to be considered a pathology. It is seen by many now as a normal brain variation, a difference rather than a disorder. And yet, that is small consolation to the child who never receives a party invitation or the parent who must fight constantly for their child’s inclusion in classes and afterschool programs.
It's hard to change how others view or treat our children, but we can control how we handle stigma. Though it’s not a fool-proof plan, learning to appreciate our children’s – and our own – gifts can help our families transcend stigma and develop confidence and self-worth. And a deep sense of personal value, knowing that our families belong and are worthy, can be foundational.
Teaching our kids to value themselves starts with how we speak to them and about them. Give some thought to how you react when your neurodivergent child is having a tantrum. You wouldn’t be the first parent to lose your cool and yell at your child, call them difficult.
What would happen though, if you could get curious instead of frustrated? Consider instead rejecting the knee-jerk reaction, breathing deeply, and uncovering the crux of the problem. Is the noise too loud? Is your child overtired, hungry, or scared? We can’t always change the environment we are in, but we can recognize when our sensitive child’s surroundings are uncomfortable. And if our child already struggles to communicate, we must be the ones to help them relay their needs.
Think about how you react to your child when they’re not following your rules or when you’re depleted. Consider the messages you are conveying with the words you choose. Are you telling your child they’re not trying hard enough, they’re lazy, or they never listen? Instead, try re-framing your perspective. Ask, “What part of the assignment do you understand? What part is confusing?” Or note, “Looks like you’re really into that game (or book or television show).”
Sometimes peers might be kind and include our kids while at school but never consider extending an invitation for a playdate or sleepover. That can be painful for the child as well as the parent. The key is finding inclusive communities. Sometimes that means seeking allies in the classroom. Perhaps it’s finding programs designed for your child’s needs and abilities. And sometimes it means locating places where shared interests can lead to friendships.
Raising neurodivergent children isn’t always easy. The world isn’t built for people who need extra time, patience, and sensitivity. Whose perspective doesn’t align with the norm. And yet, we can help our kids feel valued by interacting with them in a way that exudes respect, confidence, and appreciation.
If you’re a parent struggling to raise your neurodivergent child in an atmosphere of growth, consider reaching out to me. As a coach supporting parents of neurodivergent children, my work is to help you identify your goals, ascertain what obstacles are getting in your way, and together create a plan to achieve your aims. Your whole family can benefit, and you will experience a life that is so much better.
