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Sleep Wisdom for the Weary
By Carol S. Siege, PCC
Founder, Family Pathways Coaching, LLC
When my boys were very young, we went through one particularly challenging period when they were all up at night… every night. There was bed-wetting, hall wandering, night terrors, and night feedings. And yes, when I showed up at the bus stop those next mornings, my neighbors could see it had been yet another weary night.
Thankfully, life moved forward, and my boys tired themselves out sufficiently during the day to typically sleep well at night. And yet, many friends’ children wrestle with poor sleep. In fact, recent multiple peer-reviewed studies have found a very high rate of sleep disorders among autistic and ADHD children, significantly higher than the typical population. PMC, a repository of biomedical articles for the NIH (National Institutes of Health), reports 40-80% of children and teens with ASD struggle with sleep disorders; articles cite 25-50% of children and teens with ADHD also struggle.
So what’s happening, and perhaps more importantly, what’s a parent to do?
Sleep disorders fall into three categories: trouble falling asleep, night awakenings, and early morning wakening. Research points to heightened arousal and sensitivities as reasons the neurodivergent community may find themselves waking up multiple times at night, fully awake, and struggling to fall back asleep. So, your highly sensitive child may wake at night too hot or too cold. Or your child with that finely attuned ear may wake when the garbage trucks come rumbling down the street or birds begin chirping at the break of dawn.
Research finds that neurodivergent children and teens, especially those on the autism spectrum, also may get mixed signals from circadian rhythms that do not sync properly. Melatonin, a hormone that regulates the body’s internal clock, may be released later than typical, so your child doesn’t naturally get tired when the sun goes down, or earlier than typical, so your child wakes before sunrise. Neurodivergent children also sometimes produce less melatonin than is typical.
All of these issues lead to children who just aren’t sleeping well – they don’t want to go to bed at night, they wake up during the night, and then they wake up too early in the morning.
So, what can a parent do?
- Start Every Day Fresh
Create a morning routine that includes a regular wake-up time and a dose of sunshine. Even if your child (and parents!) didn’t get much sleep last night, try and get out of bed at approximately the same time every morning to help develop a reliable schedule the body can begin to inhabit. Open the blinds, let the sun in and, if possible, get outside early to trigger the body’s wake-up systems.
2. Make Bedtime Calm
Create bedtime rituals that foster calmness and safety. Bedtime needs to be predictable, without drama and without fuss. For young children, maybe that means dinner, a warm bath, and then a cuddle with a relaxing bedtime story. Some children may benefit from seeing a night time schedule they can rely on. Older kids will benefit from predictability, as well. Help them put aside daytime worries and let them know there is no pressure to sleep, that resting in bed is helpful too.
3. Stay Neutral in the Middle of the Night
When our kids wake us at 2 a.m., we may be tempted to chat. Don’t do it! Nighttime isn’t for discussions beyond quiet, reassuring responses that you can come back to the conversation in the morning. Be very quiet, keep the lights low, and help your child stay relaxed. Try rubbing your child’s back or sitting next to the bed for a few minutes. Offer your teen something boring to read that’s not on their computer or fit a few pieces on an already existing puzzle.
4. Remember: What You Do During the Day Shapes Your Night
Sleep drive -- the body’s biological need to sleep – keeps our heads on our pillows at night. Time spent outdoors and physical exercise increase sleep drive for most everyone. Napping, however, varies depending on a child’s age. Because naps help very young children regulate their nighttime sleeping, sleep experts do not recommend taking away their naps; instead, keep naps to less than an hour and early in the day. That said, neurodivergent children need flexibility and individualized systems. If your exhausted child is melting down, let them nap even if it’s late in the afternoon.
5. Understand the Causes
Sleep disorders among the neurodivergent population are typical. They are not the result of bad parenting or uncooperative children. Sleep specialists can provide support, but keep in mind the needs of our neurodivergent children, who may require different support than typical children. Experts suggest relying on routines, time outdoors, and physical activity over long-term medication. In all cases, though, sleep disorders are often treatable, and they aren’t anyone’s fault.
