Starting A New Year

By Carol S. Siege, PCC

Founder, Family Pathways Coaching, LLC

5 Tips to Help Young Adults Move Forward

January 1 is the day many of us create New Year’s resolutions and prepare ourselves for growth, learning and breakthroughs. For parents of neurodiverse children, especially young adults, we may wish to encourage self-improvement. Perhaps our children are struggling to hold a job, develop healthy life habits or move into an apartment of their own. How to positively support our children if they are struggling to launch, while respecting their specific challenges? Read on for thoughts and ideas.

1. Personal Agency

While our neurodiverse kids may be adults chronologically, many lag in their emotional maturity and can be seen as incapable. Certainly, there can be reason for additional supervision or boundaries that others their age will have outgrown; but by treating our children as adults, we help them see themselves as adults. If there are multiple issues to address, give your child the opportunity to decide where to begin. Do they want to focus on finding a job, or do they first need to develop personal care skills? What do they enjoy, where do they excel, and what would they ultimately like their life to look like? Perhaps this will be the first time you have spoken with your adult child about their dreams and aspirations. Perhaps your child has never discussed their future. Have patience and start slowly.

2. Collaboration

Once your child is able to articulate their ambitions – big or small – work with them to figure out a plan to achieve their first goal. Are they refusing help? Let them know they are in charge, even if things have been different in the past. Give them the reins while reminding them it’s hard for most people to move from envisioning a future to living that dream without any support. Share a moment from your own life when you needed help bringing a plan to fruition. But note the difference between helping your child get unstuck and deciding they need to choose a different goal. If you disagree with your child’s decisions, ask them about their thought process. You may be surprised by their reasoning, or even that they have a reason.

3. Structure

As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, author of “The Little Prince,” said, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.”Some of our neurodiverse children may already know they thrive with structure, needing the boundaries imposed by others to help them stay on track. Others may feel restricted by society’s expectations. There is no single strategy that works for every person, which means we must recognize our child’s individual proclivities. For those who prefer structure, help them create a plan that includes attainable goals and methods to tackle each step. Plan for accountability and setbacks. For those who feel constrained by calendars and schedules, ask your child who they see themselves as: an athlete, a baker, a scientist? Discuss the steps needed to make that image a reality and then consider follow-through.