So Your Child is Neurodiverse… 5 Ways to Help Them Find Their Superpowers
November 11, 2024
Starting A New Year
January 8, 2025Just in Time for the Holidays...
5 Tips to Ease Kids' Overwhelm at Gatherings
By Carol S. Siege, PCC
Founder, Family Pathways Coaching, LLC
Ah Holiday Time. Good food and good cheer. Peace and tranquility. Visions of sugarplums dancing in my head…
Is that what your Holiday gatherings look like? Well maybe, but for many of us, our children hate big, chaotic events. Maybe they are expected to dress up for the occasion. Maybe the house will be filled with relatives they don’t see often and food prepared by someone who doesn’t adhere to their strict dietary requirements. A full house is noisy, even if there isn’t a football game on or music playing in the background. And those gifts may require thanks and even hugs.
In other words, for our neurodiverse kids – whether they struggle with social interactions, hyperactivity, or anxiety – celebrating the Holidays can be a landmine.
- First, Get Your Kids There
Step one is very basic: Get your kids to the party. Preparation is the name of the game here. A few days beforehand, talk to your child about the upcoming event. Give them information that will be helpful to know ahead of time: Will they see Grandma, and will she be making their favorite apple pie? Will they need to dress nicely for the occasion? If so, spend some time together choosing an outfit that is comfortable and looks nice (enough) ahead of time. And don’t avoid talking about what might be uncomfortable, preparing for the hugs that might ensue, the conversations your kids don’t like, and what to do if they don’t like dinner (Hint: feed picky eaters a sandwich ahead of time and avoid hangry meltdowns!).
2. Give Them a Job
When my son was young, he learned to pour wine and ask guests if he could take their coats – really! To an autistic child, big loving family dinners can feel like nails on a chalkboard. So, we hatched a plan and gave him jobs. Instead of being sent downstairs to the chaos of the kids’ playroom, he stayed upstairs and offered guests refreshments. His favorite job (not surprisingly) was helping Grandpa carve the turkey, especially when Grandpa let him sneak some early tastes.
3. Clear Rules & Boundaries
For neurodiverse kids who struggle to adhere to social norms, even everyday situations can require conversations to clarify what is – and isn’t – allowed. In out-of-the-ordinary circumstances it’s even more important to make sure your kids are clear on the rules.
If the house is full of guests, it’s not the time to play tag in the living room. If Aunt Jenny is laboring in the kitchen to get the Holiday feast on the table, it’s not the time to go searching for treats (unless she extends an invitation, of course!). Have an active kid who needs to move around? Weather permitting, plan a game outside. Weather not cooperating? Bring along a selection of non-messy crafts like friendship bracelets, stickers, Playdough, or Legos and remind your kids ahead of time about sharing.
4. Give Them an Out
Sometimes even the best laid plans go awry. We may envision family time where everyone is conversing merrily and technology has no place. And yet, sometimes our kids need a break. They’ve shown up, they’ve tried their best to use their social graces. But it’s just too much. Make sure you have a backup plan. Is there a time when it’s okay to pull out the iPad? Is there a quiet room where your child can watch a show or read a book? Remember that our neurodiverse kids may reach their max long before we do, and they may need time to regroup. Give it to them. You’ll thank yourself for the rest of the night, and your child may go home with happy memories that make next year an easier effort.
5. Acceptance
According to a YouGov.org poll conducted in July 2024, 19% of U.S. adults identify as neurodivergent, an umbrella term for people whose brains work atypically like those with autism, ADHD, and learning disabilities, for example. Our children are not alone in the challenges they face in new situations. One important key to parenting our neurodiverse children is to separate undesirable or problematic behaviors from the child. That is, we need to accept our children for who they are, challenges and all, and understand that while we need to help them overcome problem behaviors, we also need to know they are perfectly imperfect human beings. Remember that we all have areas where we can improve. Respecting our neurodiverse children teaches them to respect themselves.
