My husband and I have been married for 32 years. We have raised four sons. All four of our sons fall under that great big umbrella called “neurodiversity,” so we have seen our fair share of discord! The key isn’t that we always agree on how to deal with challenges, but rather that we are able to navigate our own differences of opinion with respect and care.

Unfortunately for one of our sons, we learned the hard way what happens to our children when parents aren’t able to work collaboratively to address a child’s problem. When anxiety caused one of our sons to develop an eating disorder, my husband and I let our opposing perspectives get in the way of properly parenting our child. Until we were able to put aside our own bias, our son suffered. On the one hand, he didn’t know who to listen to – mom’s more laid-back approach or dad’s more hands-on technique. Additionally, he was left feeling it was his fault we were fighting in the first place. And in case you are wondering, neither of these situations helped with his anxiety!

Yes, in the end our son overcame his eating disorder. We eventually understood the connection between his willingness to eat and his anxiety and addressed his nutritional needs as we managed his anxiety. And yet, the experience was a true challenge for our son and our family.

If your family is struggling because mom and dad have drastically different opinions about how to nurture your neurodiverse children, read on for important tips to help you bridge the gap and support your children along the way.

1. Eye on the Prize

When parents are contending with a specific, possibly urgent situation, it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters: the health and wellbeing of our children. It sounds counterintuitive, but sometimes we become so entrenched in our viewpoint, and feel so strongly about properly caring for our child, that we end up missing the most important point, which is to help our child overcome whatever challenge is besetting them. Most important: Be clear on what you are trying to achieve and don’t get sidetracked by a need to be right.

2. Different Parents, Different Styles

Some parents believe the world is a cold, hard place, and they want their home to be a soft landing for struggling children. Other parents agree that the world is onerous, so they want to teach their children how to withstand the realities of life through tough love. Some parents like to move slowly and intentionally; others want to throw everything they have at a problem. No one solution is always right, and parents should understand that children benefit from different parenting styles. The key is for each parent to respect the other’s style and not belittle it. The result will be children who feel confident in the love and care they receive from both parents.