Happy Holidays
December 16, 2025
From the Mouths of Babes
By Carol S. Siege, PCC
Founder, Family Pathways Coaching, LLC
As we enter this new year, I thought it would be useful to offer recommendations and suggestions for parenting our neurodiverse children – both young and old(ish) – that come directly from my four sons, each of whom fits under that great big umbrella of neurodiversity.
- “Nurture Your Kids’ Interests”
All kids have areas of particular interest, sometimes fleeting and sometimes lasting into adulthood. One of my sons began his fascination with jets and rockets in elementary school, and now he designs drones for a living. Another son spent an entire year folding origami cranes, ultimately donating 500 after the 2011 Japanese tsunami as part of a local effort to fold 1,000 paper cranes for good health and fortune. After that bunch, he put away his origami paper and hasn’t taken it out since. Sometimes our neurodiverse children have interests outside the norm. They are fascinated by the subway system or weather patterns or the periodic tables. Or they watch the same movie, read the same book, play the same game on repeat. All of that is okay and should be encouraged. Yes, introduce your children to new opportunities, but allow them the freedom and joy to delve into what really excites them. You never know where it will take them.
- “Practice What You Preach”
As parents, we are constantly teaching our children. And yes, sometimes those lessons turn us into preachers. If we are offering advice to our kids, though – whether they are elementary age or young adults – it’s crucial that we follow the same rules we impose on our children. Don’t allow your kids to use their phones at the dinner table? Yup, we parents need to put away our phones, as well. Not appropriate to hear your kids curse or gossip or speak rudely to others? We also need to watch our own behavior and language. Remember that many of our neurodivergent children are listening even if they do not look like it. And autistic children in particular may watch their caregivers very closely in an effort to understand behavioral patterns, for example. So don’t think your children aren’t paying attention… they often are!
- “Neurodivergent Kids Need to Stim”
My boys are all nearly grown, and honestly, they still do their own forms of “stimming,” that is, self-stimulatory behavior. For my boys when they were young, that looked like hours running in circles in the backyard talking to themselves, toe walking, and bouncing around the house. But stimming can also be vocal like
humming, tactile like rubbing fabric, or visual like watching patterns. It’s not harmful for your kids to stim; in fact, it can be beneficial. It offers your child time to be creative, to let their minds run wild, and the repetitive movements, sounds, or actions can help regulate their nervous systems. As long as the behaviors aren’t harmful, give your child time, space and freedom to build castles in the air – daydream, fantasize, get lost in their thoughts.
- “Little Things Matter”
Sometimes we look at our kids’ behaviors and we are confused or irritated. We see ways they can be more efficient with their time, fit in better, be healthier, and we don’t understand why they aren’t making what seem like simple, positive changes. But what looks inconsequential to an outsider might be much more significant to your child. What seems like a want may in fact be a need. There are young adults who carry stuffed animals for security, and kids with sensitivities who only wear sweatpants. Sometimes our kids refuse to go to parties or after-school activities even when we know they will find friends there. While it’s true that avoidance increases anxiety -- so the more an anxious child avoids an uncomfortable situation the more difficult it will become – there are also times when we need to listen to our children and respect their needs.
One last thought as we work to support our children: Consider how you would have wanted to be treated when you were a child. Would you have wanted assurances that you were loved, respected, and appreciated just as you were? Would you have wanted intentional support and recommendations that were based on your individual needs?
Parenting is a difficult balancing act. So while we try to teach our children to be their best selves, remember that we can only do the best we can do. Just as you offer kindness to your kids, offer that same care to yourself in this new year …and in the years to come.
