Naming Our Fears… And Finding Hope
October 8, 2024An Unexpected Journey
By Carol S. Siege, PCC
Founder, Family Pathways Coaching, LLC
Growing up, I was one of those kids who loved playing with and caring for children. I babysat, created scavenger hunts for my little brother, and spent my favorite summers as a camp counselor. Not surprisingly, I always dreamed of a big family.
My dream was unfolding as my family started growing. First one son, then another, and then… something was wrong. Starting at around age two, our second son was noticeably changing, emotionally and physically. We wondered why he had gone from an engaged and cheerful toddler to an angry and sometimes violent one. What could have made his world draw in around him so fast and so soundly?
We visited an array of doctors and therapists, and at age four he received a diagnosis: Asperger’s Syndrome, a diagnosis which eventually morphed into autism when the term Asperger’s was retired in 2013.
Shortly afterward, our oldest son was diagnosed with ADHD, as it became clear that his behaviors --so different from his peers – were infringing on his development.
Sometimes a diagnosis can offer relief – at least we know what we’re dealing with now. But for us, our first reaction was fear. Fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of what life would be like for us and our children.
In truth, the first few years after our second son’s early diagnosis of Asperger’s (autism) were not promising. He struggled in school. He struggled with his peers. He struggled to regulate his body and his emotions. He ultimately was diagnosed with the co-morbid conditions of ADHD, OCD and dyslexia.
Still, we loved both of our sons immensely. And their situations didn’t stop us from wanting that big family I’d dreamed about since I was a child. As it turned out, we had four boys – each one considered “neurodiverse”.
Our house could go from raucous fun to disastrous mayhem at the flip of a switch, and that required constant vigilance, playdates cut short, and life kept to a tight, well-regulated schedule. But as challenging as everyday life was, I always knew there was hope.
So I educated myself, went through years of counseling, and connected with a wonderful community of other parents like myself and my husband. Now, as a certified International Coaching Federation life coach, I can bring my experience, education and hard-earned empathy to parents in similar situations.
I feel inspired by my family, where we’ve been and how far we have come. Today, our boys are all working toward their career goals, building relationships and moving toward independence. As recent empty nesters, my husband and I cherish the times when our entire family comes together to laugh, to support one another, and yes, to hear incessant, loud and even chaotic but loving banter among four highly energized young men.
It’s truly been a different path, and an unexpected journey. But to paraphrase Robert Frost, we took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
