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Vacationing with Your Neurodiverse Kids
By Carol S. Siege, PCC
Founder, Family Pathways Coaching, LLC
When my boys were young, we were lucky to enjoy family vacations, creating memories that have grown with us over the years. And yet, vacationing with our neurodiverse kids took planning and thoughtful deliberation. We needed to consider our boys’ emotional comfort as much as any desire for new adventures, exotic locales, or squeezing every minute out of our itineraries.
It took some time, but we found great ways to maximize the fun and minimize the anxiety. Read on for suggestions that may help as you plan a late summer getaway of your own.
Make the Travel Part of the Trip
Everyone knows the old trope of the kids in the backseat whining, “Are we there yet?” It’s every parent’s nightmare to endure impatient kids complaining about circumstances they can’t fix. We had a few traditions for long car rides that included books on tape, movies, and a new bag of small, travel-friendly toys for each of the boys. We all watched the same movies and listened to the same books, which connected us in a way that couldn’t happen if we each wore individual headsets. And when we were stuck in traffic, I pulled out a bag of M&Ms and gave each child one candy every time we passed a sign on the side of the road. Sounds corny, I know, but it gave the boys something to do, with a tiny jolt of excitement, especially when we hit multiple signs at once.
Rely on the Familiar While You Seek the New
My boys were much happier when they knew where we were traveling, what accommodations would be like, and which activities they could expect. On the other hand, I wanted to see the new, to be excited by the unique. And even for my boys who craved predictability, too much of same-old-same-old is boring. So, while we returned to our usual vacation spots regularly, I sought out new hiking trails, novel sites to explore, even movie theaters in the next town. We sprinkled in these mini-adventures among the tried-and-true, which meant finding a few new favorites to add to our standard itinerary without missing the events the kids looked forward to most.
Plan Without Over-planning
Theme parks are a fitting example of vacations that can go sideways fast. If you’re traveling to a destination park with very young children, you know they will be up at the crack of dawn anyway. So, a great plan can be arriving at the park as soon as the
gates open. But if you have neurodiverse children, you also know they will be overstimulated by the crowds, the rides, the noise, and the possibility of seeing favorite characters. When we traveled to theme parks, we spent the full morning at the park, possibly capped off with a memorable lunch. The afternoon was spent at the pool. The boys played and cooled down without the crowds, since everyone else was still at the park. They could swim if they had energy, or they could rest. We planned a few special evenings that included fun dinners or fireworks, but otherwise we had quiet meals without any hoopla. They didn’t miss out on the excitement, but they also didn’t feel swamped by it.
Deal With Anxiety Head-On
Anxiety can wreak havoc on your vacation from the moment you start packing until you are home in your own beds. And yet, it can be addressed with good communication and direct discussions. Before leaving for a vacation one year, one of my sons started racing around his room collecting stuffed animals, pillows, and random toys that he decided he HAD to pack for our short trip. I allowed him to choose one stuffed animal and one small toy and assured him there would be pillows wherever we went. We sat together calmly, and I reminded him what it would be like when we arrived at our destination, as well as when we returned home. He needed reassurance and time to process the change that was coming. Even a pleasurable change can be upsetting to an anxious mind. Be patient and compassionate as you help your child envision time away from home.
So sure, there are other challenges to overcome when we travel with our neurodiverse kids. Sometimes siblings enjoy different activities or have different needs. Sometimes bad weather scrambles the best laid plans. Try starting with the expectation that your vacation will be a reprieve from the ordinary, an opportunity for family bonding, and hopefully plenty of fun, as well. Enjoy!
